Ladies, in today's article you're about to dive into why you keep feeling stuck in dating cycles that leave you questioning your worth—and discover that you're not broken, you're just trying to navigate a system designed to confuse you. I'm sharing these insights because too many incredible women are walking around with their hearts on the ground, believing the lie that they need to fix themselves when what they actually need is to remember their ancient power.
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Ellie found Tyler's boxers wedged behind a couch cushion on July 4, only three days after he moved out. The fabric soft from too many washes, still holding the ghost of his scent. Her house has become an archaeological site for their four-year relationship. Finding his favorite coffee mug in her cabinet, his guitar pick on the bathroom counter, his reading glasses forgotten inside the nightstand drawer. Artifacts that feel like abandoned promises.
The memories belong only to her now. Four years of shared breakfasts, fake funny arguments about “what to watch on Netflix” and Sunday morning sex—all of it evaporated like it never happened. No one else will remember the way he laughed at her Halloween costume or tell her she smelled gorgeous when she'd just stepped out of the shower. The weight of carrying those years alone rests in her chest like a stone.
She's thirty-seven now, starting over, scrolling through dating profiles that read like foreign languages. "Looking for my tradwife." "I go to therapy." "Co-parenting with my amazing ex."
When did dating become some complicated constellation of baggage and buzzwords?
And every man seems to have a different, foreign archaeology of his own failed relationships. Divorce papers, custody schedules, emotional scar tissue from women who came before her. Stories she can't understand and doesn't want to. She just wants to feel heard, feel connected, and she doesn't know how.
Then a new pattern repeats with mechanical precision: the men who want her feel like settling, and the men who light her up disappear like smoke. She wanted Tyler to marry her, but he said he didn't see her "like that," wasn't ready, needed more time. So she asked him to move out, and now she's alone with a dog they adopted together, and the terrible certainty that she's trapped in some cycle she can't even name.
But Ellie’s not broken - she’s just living in a broken system.
The Native American Cheyenne tribe had a proverb that goes like this:
"A Nation is not conquered until the hearts of its women are on the ground. Then it is done, no matter how brave its warriors nor how strong its weapons."
— Cheyenne tribe proverb
Look at Ellie. Does her story feel familiar? A story one of her friends might have? Or a story she's lived herself? Look at the women in her life. How many of them are truly happy? How many feel centered, powerful, at peace with themselves and their place in the world?
If she's being honest, the answer is probably very few. Most women today are walking around with their hearts on the ground, just like Ellie, just like the Cheyenne warned. We've been conquered, and most of us don't even realize it.
We’re not talking about oppression or misogyny here. It's not about men who want women to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. It's not even about the sexualization of women's bodies—these are symptoms of something deeper.
We're talking about a systematic destruction of feminine wisdom itself. An absence that creates the chaos we women feel in our bones when we try to navigate modern life.
The modern world is designed to confuse.
Dating apps exist to make money, not create authentic connection.
Marriage is mocked by comedians, celebrities, and mass media.
Men are no longer taught that women are sacred gifts.
Ellie is living in a world designed to keep her in a confusing state of mind, locked in a repeating cycle of boyfriends who appear and disappear.
She feels confused because confusion is what happens when she tries to live by rules that were never meant for her. She feels angry at men because the men around her have been severed from ancient wisdom about how to honor the feminine.
The chaos isn't in the woman.
The chaos is in the world.
But if the woman doesn't understand this distinction, the world's chaos seeps into her bones and becomes part of her.
Freedom emerges when she can see the chaos as chaos. Suddenly it becomes clear instead of confusing. She stops trying to fix herself to fit a broken system and starts building walls of truth around her inner world.
The modern world can never satisfy us. And that's not our fault.
We need the ancient wisdom.
"I will not adjust myself to the world," said author Anaïs Nin. "I am adjusted to myself."
When women’s hearts are broken, everything breaks.
The Cheyenne knew something we've forgotten: women are the emotional center of everything. When a woman’s heart is broken, it creates ripples that affect everyone around her because her inner state has power. When she's confused and depleted, she attracts confused and depleting experiences. When she's centered in truth, things around her fall into place.
Ancient cultures knew a woman's emotional and spiritual well-being kept the health of the community.
In these traditions:
Women weren't emotional burdens. They were wise counsel.
Her emotions weren't "too much"—they were revelations.
Her intuition wasn't unreliable—it was a different and essential way of knowing.
But look at what she's been taught by modern society:
Be low-maintenance.
Don't be too emotional.
Be independent to the point of isolation.
Compete with other women.
Chase men who don't want her.
Give her energy away to prove herself to a man.
Every one of these messages is designed to keep her heart on the ground.
Freedom from confusion = clarity and peace
"The woman is the foundation on which Nations are built. She is the heart of her Nation. If that heart is weak the people are weak. If her heart is strong and her mind is clear then the Nation is strong and knows its purpose. The woman is the center of everything."
— Art Solomon of the Ojibwe Indigenous people, “Kesheyanakwan” (Fast Moving Cloud), Anishinaabe Elder
Ancient women didn't swipe through dating apps wondering why they kept attracting the wrong men. They didn't spend years with men who "weren't ready." They knew that men get their emotional sustenance from women who know our own value.
When she's centered in her truth—when she knows she's valuable without needing to prove it—everything changes.
She stops accepting breadcrumbs because she knows she deserves the whole meal.
She stops explaining herself to men who should already understand her value.
She creates what I call "walls of truth" around her inner world.
She gets clear on what nourishes her versus what depletes her. What honors her feminine nature versus what violates it.
Instead of hoping men will respect her, she embodies something that naturally commands respect. Instead of chasing men, she becomes someone they can't imagine living without. Instead of proving herself to men, she knows her value so deeply that they feel it immediately.
This creates a ripple effect. When she stops giving her energy to people who don't deserve it, she attracts people who do. When she stops believing lies about her nature, she remembers her power.
What happens inside her starts to happen around her.
When Ellie realizes these things, she will change the trajectory of her entire family’s legacy for the next generation. The ancient knowledge is sleeping in her body, waiting for her to remember. Our ancestors knew secrets about feminine power. That emotions are revelations, intuition is intelligence, our need for reverence is sacred.
The modern world will try to convince her that she's broken, she needs to be fixed, she's asking for too much. But ancient wisdom would never say this. It would say she was given a map with the wrong roads on it, and told to get herself home.
Layers and layers of chaos.
The chaos around her isn't truth. Truth is deeper, older, more powerful than anything this confused culture could ever offer us.
"Woman is the centre of the wheel of life. She is the heartbeat of the people. She is not just in the home, but she is the community, she is the Nation."
— Art Solomon of the Ojibwe Indigenous people, “Kesheyanakwan” (Fast Moving Cloud), Anishinaabe Elder
Thank you for reading Wifeskills101! I'd love if you'd leave a comment sharing your thoughts or experiences with feeling caught in dating patterns that leave you exhausted and confused—does Ellie's story feel familiar to you?
About me
I’m Sam, the founder of The Art of Wifery. I help women transform their relationship patterns and find loving commitment. With a unique, no-nonsense approach shaped by my analytical mind, I have guided hundreds of women, particularly those in the sex work industry, toward marriage with devoted partners.
My signature "Wife Game" system focuses on emotional clarity, feminine energy, and relationship harmony. I don’t deal in dating tactics or therapy-speak. I offer practical wisdom and pattern recognition to help women become wives rather than girlfriends. For personalized coaching on your journey to marriage, email me at scribble@theartofwifery.com or follow me on Instagram at Wifeskills101.
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